i was just listening to leona lewis - happy, and it got me thinking. for so long now, Ive been feeling so unhappy, and for that, i have no idea why. everything going on was good, so i was just thinking whats going on? Earlier today, it hit me. These good thing's were going on around me, not with me. Ive been so busy making sure i don't make the same mistakes, Ive been pushing myself further and further away, until i was standing on the side-lines, watching. Just watching. So, Ive had enough. I'm getting myself involved. Sure, i may get hurt, but at least ill go down happy, than withering away, watching.

I'm suffering from a huge sense of writers block. Either that, or nothing particularly thrilling is happening to me recently.
I constantly feel asleep. I'm a couch potato, and i need to wake up - now.

I deleted a whole blog that i was writing. I guess I'm in a really fussy mood - i don't know. I feel weird today. One moment I'm completely ecstatic, and the next I'm on the edge of tears. It the most strangest sensation ever. The next few weeks are going to be horrible. I have to have a mini operation on my gum, another cervical cancer jab and several doctors appointments. I have a sense of writers block. I need food.

I'm fed up of being stuck in "limbo". I've got everything Ive ever wanted - so why am i not happier? what else could life bring me, to emotionally pull and lift me out of this stage. It's terrible. I look around, and all i see is everyone smiling and laughing. Whether its fake or not, it doesn't matter. Their still able to. I've had enough now. I'm going to have to come up with a remady, something i can do each time i start to feel upset. Hm...

I haven't wrote on here for a while. I haven't been able to focus on anything. At all. I used to be able to just crack open a book, and settle down for the night. I cant anymore. Not since Ive started sixth form. Somethings distracting me, and i need to figure out what.

I still find it hard to believe that I'm actually in sixth form. I made it out of high school alive, and that is something worth stating! If i just think about it now, it doesn't seem like anything has changed. However, in actual fact, everything has. I'm no longer that sad year 11, that was too immature. I do have to set an example to the rest of the school, and i have to change in order to do that. I need to get myself more organized, and start taking my A levels more seriously.

Its time for change, and this time - its happening.